Anna-Lisa Barrett earned her Bachelor of Applied Science in Justice Studies in 2023 and is currently a second-year master’s student in the Criminal Justice and Public Policy (CJPP) program at the University of Guelph. As she navigated the challenges of graduate school, Anna-Lisa experienced the profound loss of her grandmother. Through this difficult journey, she confronted grief, self-doubt, and a sense of disconnection, but ultimately found strength and clarity through the support of her community. Her story is one of resilience and a reflection on what truly matters: compassion, mental well-being, and the courage to persevere in the face of hardship.

Reassuring Master’s Students: Navigating Self-Doubt and Hardship on the Path to Success

The Messy Truth About Grief and Losing a Loved One

There is something I want to address right off the bat—grief is often far more complex than many people realize.

“Grief is complex and can be difficult to understand. It can involve many emotions, such as sadness, anger, confusion, and relief, and it can be difficult to process. Grief can also be complicated, which can occur when the intensity of grief doesn't decrease over time” (Mughal, 2023). 

I appreciate this definition of grief because I feel that it is very accurate. I thought I knew everything about grief, but was I ever wrong. 

In December 2023, I made a commitment to embrace my authentic self. With the second semester of my master’s program in Criminal Justice and Public Policy on the horizon, I found myself reflecting on the struggles of my first semester—imposter syndrome, self-doubt, constant anxiety, and a recent diagnosis of depression. I was also mindful that this would be the last semester our entire cohort would be together, which added a sense of urgency to confront and learn from the mistakes I had inadvertently made in my first semester.

Little did I know that the start of 2024 would bring the loss of one of my favourite people on earth—my grandmother. She was one of my biggest supporters. In moments when others lacked faith in me or questioned my future, she stood by me and fought for me, right up until the very end.

The first week after her passing felt like a blur. My grandma was supposed to witness my growth, to see me reach my full potential. The thought of returning to school and pretending everything was fine felt impossible. 

Going back to school was the hardest experience I've ever had to go through. I burned out completely and lost myself in the process. The person I thought I knew, the one I worked so hard to become, just left with what felt like a snap of my fingers. I became a version of myself that I could barely recognize.

Navigating Self-Doubt & Hardship 

There were many nights I considered giving up—staring at my computer with tears in my eyes, contemplating dropping out and leaving academia for good. The confidence I once had, along with my ability to learn quickly, no longer came naturally. I began to question everything: why am I here? who am I now? In the midst of doubt, my grandmother's words echoed in my mind, “finish school, succeed, be good, and love.”

I am the first person on my mother’s side to pursue a master's degree, and the first woman on either side of my family to continue education beyond an undergraduate degree. To give up would mean more than just walking away from my master’s—it would mean giving up on myself, on my grandmother, and on the generations of women who also endured hardship. I owed it to them, and to myself, to keep going. 

With support from loved ones—including my parents, family, friends, coworkers, advisors, and professors—I found the strength to persevere. I couldn’t be more grateful for their encouragement and the role each of them played in helping me move forward. Thanks to their support, I had the opportunity to present my thesis research, “Image-Based Sexual Exploitation through Deepfakes: Exploring Media Framing of Gender”, during CSAHS Research Week and at the American Society of Criminology Conference in San Francisco. As opportunities presented themselves, my drive to carry on grew. 

Reaching for Success: The Road to Graduation

Earlier this year, I received an email from the University of Guelph’s S.A.F.E (Sexual Assault Free Environment) team, inviting me to be a panelist for their "Let's Chat About Consent: Graduate Student Panel [1]". The event took place on January 22nd, which was also the first anniversary of my grandmother's passing. It was a difficult decision, but my loved ones suggested that it may be a sign from her—a reminder that she was there with me in spirit, still cheering me on like she used to. Knowing she would want me to succeed, I pushed through—and it turned out to be a success!  

I want fellow students to know that if their master’s experience hasn't gone the way they expected, or if they feel it hasn't been as great as they hoped—that they could've done more or tried harder—that’s okay. Graduate school is challenging , and life doesn’t always go as planned, but everything happens for a reason. Every setback, misstep, or moment of doubt can become a stepping stone toward growth. What truly matters is how you choose to move forward and face the challenges that come your way. Above all, let's keep my grandma's words in mind, that we should strive to “succeed, be good, and love!”